I Don't Believe In Love
by Chaser-Cya
Summary: R just to be sure, Draco POV, Character Death, Draco muses over his past. R/D , R/H, ~Slash~


Title: I Don't Believe In Love  
  
Author: Chaser Disclaimer: Harry Potter, all its characters and so forth are owned by JKR. Pairing: Ron x Draco, Ron x Harry Warnings: Characters Death  
  
Notes: I never said I knew what I was doing.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
'I don't believe in love, I never have, I never will. I don't believe in love,  
  
It's never worth the pain that you feel. No chance for contact, There's no raison d'être, my only hope is one day I'll forget, the pain of knowing what can never be, with or without love it's all the same to me.' I can remember the words clearly. Funny how a muggle song can describe how I feel.  
  
Once I didn't care whether I loved or was loved. It wasn't important then. There were more important things to life than that.  
  
All I cared about then was getting the approval of my father and being the best. I had to show him that I was all he thought I was. I needed him to see that I was good, that I was the better than he ever could be. My life was going as I had planned it. I was well on my way to being the best. Then with a minor lapse in judgement things changed, everything changed.  
  
" I have never seen such disregard for one another in all my years." I can remember that uptight McGonagall say.  
  
I had been caught fighting yet again with Weasley. I can remember what we fought about to this day, even as it is years later. Five years exactly, I can remember the day he ruined my life.  
  
I wasn't given detention like I had received for several years before. I think she knew giving me detention would change nothing. Detention was not going to change the way I felt about him. It had been done so many times and to no avail. This time would have been no difference.  
  
" Can you just give me detention, so I can be on my way.Professor." I taunted her. She hated me and I knew it. Most of the teachers didn't like me and I frankly didn't care.  
  
Yet, I was not prepared for the punishment I was dealt. Having to move out of my dorm into one of the spare rooms, was not something I was rather happy about. It was only made worse when I was moved into my little dusty box of a room and he walked in followed by Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape.  
  
I can remember questioning what he was doing there and complaining about this injustice at the same time. I was good at doing them both at the same time.  
  
Snape informed me that I was to room in with Weasley until we learned how to be civil to one another. It took every ounce of will power I had not to laugh in their faces. The thought of him and I ever getting along was preposterous. Me an upper classmen 'getting along' with this *poor* excuse for a wizard was just not going to happen.  
  
Yet then I had no choice. I had not the power I have today. Then I had to endure him. His glares, his scoffs, just him bothered me then. Making it known of my annoyance and utter dislike for him I moved my things to the far end of the room. I wanted nothing to do with him. I didn't want him to touch or even look at me.  
  
I told him that day that he was going to die an early death. I remember him telling me to take my best shot. Funny how I did and I was right. He did die an early death.  
  
I know it should bother me, I should feel bad about what I have done but I don't. I never will. He ruined my life that night. Laying there talking about how *His* Harry was going to save us all from the dark lord and his mindless followers.  
  
All night and for many nights after that he talked to himself about Potter and his so called good deeds. It was absolutely infuriating.  
  
Finally I could take it no longer, sitting up on my bed. I threw my history book at his head. " What is so great about Potter and his stupid things. Who cares about any of that nonsense? So what he's famous for something he didn't do and you're his lowly sidekick."  
  
" You wouldn't understand. You'd have to be human to get it."  
  
"Explain yourself or shut up!"  
  
"What are you deaf? I said you wouldn't get it. You're too stupid to understand."  
  
" Well if you're so smart then explain it to me. I want to see the dim colored light you see. "  
  
" Go blow it out our ass Malfoy. I'm not tellin' you anything. You don't like, it stop listening."  
  
" We're in a box, how can I not hear you, stupid."  
  
" You could go deaf. I can help out with that if you like. "  
  
" Oh I get it. You don't know. You don't know why you blindly follow an idiot. The blind leading the poor, quite amusing. Or is it that you follow him for other reasons?"  
  
" I'm not in the mood for you tonight."  
  
" So it's true then. You're in love with Potter and his money."  
  
I may not have gotten a response from him with my question but my accusations did get me a response. It got me a punch in the mouth but that was trivial. I got him to tell me why he followed Potter like a pack mule.  
  
As the nights went on he told me more and more about his friendships. It wasn't any kind of friendly conversation. He would tell me as if to make me jealous and envious of the friendships he had.  
  
I can admit it did make me jealous. I can't quite explain it even know, years later what it was that made me question the choices I had made in my life. Yet still the more he talked the more I wanted what he had. I wanted that unbreakable friendship. I want to feel what he felt. I wanted it and I was going to do anything I had to, to get it.  
  
However there wasn't much I could do. My friends weren't of the same class as his were. They would never do for me the things his friends did for him. In my mind then, if I couldn't have my own, I would have his.  
  
I would make him my own. I would have him the way they have him. Unfortunately, I got a bit more than I bargained for. I wasn't quite prepared for what he was willing to give me.  
  
Being of a high class of family, it wasn't unusual for one to take a partner of the same or any gender. Male, female, it didn't matter as long as the desire was satisfied.  
  
Therefore the fact that Weasley was a boy didn't faze me the least. I took him for my lover without a second thought. The punishment we were currently under, only helped with the matter. There was no one around to tell us otherwise, no one to question what we were doing together. I thought then that I had finally gotten what I wanted. Ronald Weasley was mine.  
  
When our punishment was over and we were allowed to return to our houses, things didn't change but a bit. Instead of having him near me at all times. I had to go see him. We would have to arrange meetings to see one another.  
  
I think that had something to do with why I stand in a muddy field watching a cherry-wood casket being lowered into the ground. Several of his family members stand around. Some cry, some breakdown while other hold strong faces for the younger ones.  
  
They will never know of the deed I have done to them. They will never know that it was I would put their youngest in an early grave and they never will if I have any say in the matter. His death will be a mystery to them forever.  
  
He knew right before he died why he was dying. He knew the reason he was going to have an early death. I made sure he would know and remember what he had done to me.  
  
Because of him I almost lost my chance to be the best. I almost lost everything because of him. He made me believe that his way was right, that I had been wrong all these years. That there was no greater feeling than love in this world, but that was a lie.  
  
Everything he told me was a lie and I realized that the day before graduation. The day I went to celebrate and tell him that I was going to leave everything behind if he would come with me. I was going to leave my family and everything I had ever known for him and his stupid love.  
  
But he wasn't the stupid one, I was. I was the stupid one who believed him. I was blinded by the euphoric feeling that love gave me. The feeling that turned into the worse feeling I have ever known in my life. The feeling of honest betrayal and deceit.  
  
He wasn't supposed to lie to me. He wasn't supposed to toy with me. That was not in his nature or so I thought. It was more like something I would have done. Something that would be expected from me but no, it was the goody good one who was the bad seed.  
  
He wasn't supposed to be the one whispering sweet words of love in my ear and in my bed. Then turn around and do the same with another.  
  
The day before we graduated I found out that I was the fool all along. As I went to tell him how I felt. I happened across the one who was supposed to be mine and mine alone with another. He was in bed doing what should have only been done between the both of us to his best friend.  
  
Unsure that my eyes weren't playing veil tricks on my mind, I watched. I listened as they spoke about me. I watched and listen as he said the words." Malfoy is stupid. He thinks I love him when all I'm really there for is the sex. He's a decent lay but that's about it. He thinks I want to spend my life with him. Could you image that? Me spend my life with that. I'd rather be dismembered and force-feed my parts. "  
  
The little heart I had grown for him broke. It shattered as they laughed at my stupidity.  
  
That day I vowed to get him back for what he had done to me. I vowed that I was right and that love was not something I believed in. It was a frivolous matter that made one weak, blind to the truth and stupid.  
  
I was never going to be that weak and stupid person again. I was going to make sure that he felt the same pain I did. But before I could do that I would have to first go back to my original plans.  
  
I was going to become better than my father was. I became a death eater but unlike him, not everyone knows this. There are only two people who know what I am. One is being mourned right now and the other will be mourned for, for years to come.  
  
"You made a fool of me for him Ron and now you will rest with him forever." I say as I through my red rose on his casket in the ground and walk away. 


End file.
